motherhood confessions

Confessions from a new mom:

- I consider it an accomplishment if I manage to shower every other day.
- My hands are often chapped from frequent hand washing to avoid germs.
- I ate dinner tonight in bed with my plate balanced on my left leg and a crying Natalie lying in my right arm.
- I secretly rejoice when Natalie has a poopy diaper when Matt has diaper duty (because it means I missed a dirty one)!
- My first thought every morning when I wake up is, "is she still breathing?" If I wake to her sounds or crying, I immediately feel relieved.
- I'd be embarrassed if anyone I knew saw the inside of our house in its current condition (except my parents -- they've already seen it).
- Our inside Christmas decorations are still up, including the Christmas tree and a few opened gifts underneath.
- Flowers I received the day after Natalie was born are still in the vase on the kitchen counter, exactly where they were placed when we came home from the hospital (and they're now rotting).
- I ask myself nearly every day, "Am I a good mother?"
- When we packed our big suitcase for our February trip to Tennessee, we had to get the suitcase out of the floor (with clothing still in it) from our December trip to Tennessee.
- I love how more polite people seem to be when you are pushing a stroller around. They'll stop so you can cross the street, hold a door open for you, etc.
- When we're out in public and my hair is dirty and crazy and I'm without makeup, I wonder if strangers ask themselves, "how did such a pretty baby come from that woman?"
- I'm thankful God didn't give me twins!

These are a few of my confessions as a new mom with my sleepy baby napping against me. I'm afraid to move from this position in fear of waking her.

Motherhood is far different than I imagined, but I know I will have earned the title of "mom" the first time I hear Natalie say, "I love you, mommy." In the mean time, I'll enjoy continuing to grow into these huge motherhood shoes as I learn to be the best mom I know how to be.

There are things I've accomplished in my lifetime that I'm proud of, but nothing has ever made me so proud as watching Natalie develop. Her favorite thing to do right now is to attempt raising into a sitting position on her own. She gets so frustrated when she can't. I'll never forget how proud she looked when she stood up (with assistance) from a seated position for the first time. That big grin worked its way right into my soul, and I was unbelievably proud of my baby girl who is already trying to be a big girl.

These past few months have had some big ups and downs, but with every smile from that sweet face, I fall deeper and deeper in love. Life will never be the same as it once was before Natalie joined us, but I like this life better. She's a keeper.