simple solution

We've not even been in our house for two years yet, and our kitchen table setting has already been boring me for some time. It's just a little too drab.

Here it what it looked like:

I planned to change it up eventually, but when I came across a table runner in the clearance section of Target, I got inspired. A trip to IKEA (my first, in fact) provided the rest of the simple changes I was looking for.

The new look:

I think the little bit of extra color was just enough to make it more interesting. The circular shape of the new placemats are a good contrast against the rectangular table.

I kept the little birds since they were used in our wedding (though I did change out the tealight candles for something scented and more colorful). The placemats, metal vase, and roses in the arrangement were all from IKEA. The rest of the flowers were left overs from two of our wedding floral arrangements.

Not bad for a cheap, simple solution to the kitchen table blahs!

amazing love

It's been a long time since I've had a chance to blog, so while this adorable sleeping beauty is resting peacefully against me, I thought it'd be a good time to post a few words.

With Easter being upon us and my first mother's day quickly approaching, I'm feeling overwhelming blessed -- by His sacrifice for my sins and by His grace in placing this tiny child in my arms. He died so that I could live.

Amazing love, oh what sacrifice
The Son of God, given for me
My debt He pays, and my death He dies
That I might live, that I might live!


It can be difficult to fathom the magnitude of His sacrifice in giving His life for us when you think about how truly undeserving we are of such mercy. And even so, He goes on to bless us time and time again, despite us being as filthy as rags. That is truly amazing love -- a kind of love deeper and purer than we can fully comprehend.

I'm reminded of His love each time I look into my Natalie's sweet eyes. Her angelic face radiates the love of Christ back to me. How can we ignore His invitation of love when we look at all the ways He's provided for us? How could anyone say they know love and not know God?

Sometimes I'm still in disbelief that such a precious little girl is truly mine to love and cherish. She still has a lot of unhappy times and some days I feel like I'm barely hanging on, but she is fearfully and wonderfully made just as God intended, and I love her more than I thought possible. The Lord already gave me the best gift He could -- the gift of salvation. But He's also given me the next best gift -- motherhood. I hope I take both of these gifts and always use them in a way that is pleasing to Him. After all, that's the only way I could honor His amazing love.

those people

Matt and I have become those people. You know ... those people.

The couple behind you at Texas Roadhouse with the crying rugrat who you keep turning around to eye with looks of displeasure. Those people.

The daddy vigorously rocking a snorting baby back to sleep on the church pew in front of you during the sermon. Those people.

The mommy with the stroller in Wal-Mart blocking your path to your favorite box of cereal. Those people.

We've acquired all those elements that make up a parent's lifestyle -- the ones that annoyed me greatly in my youth. After all, who wants to be forced to hear some kid crying, no make that screaming, while you're trying to enjoy a peaceful hour on your lunch break? What kind of person would willingly subject strangers to that?

Impossible to avoid, we're those people with a baby who finds it necessary to make her little presence rudely known at all times. Before Natalie came along, I had zero tolerance for listening to monstrous wails pouring out from children whenever I was out in public. That lack of sympathy has led me to worry about her disturbing others when we decide to step out of the cave and into society.  And speaking of going out in public, I now understand the importance of a mother of a colicky baby venturing out. I know she's tired of feeling (and looking) like a cave woman.

This past Sunday, when I was out in the church hallway rocking Natalie back to sleep, someone asked me, "You know it's ok for children to cry in church, right?" I was trying to avoid being one of those people, but I guess he was trying to tell me it's normal to be one them.

Grocery trips are a true family affair with one of us pushing the stroller while the other pushes the cart. Talk about causing a rolling roadblock down the baby formula aisle! Fortunately, we at least aren't those people who use their stroller as a lethal weapon to cut past slow people in the mall (not yet, anyway). In the mean time, we'll settle for clogging up every aisle on a Saturday morning at a store near you.

Be on the look out for those people. You might just see us in action.

motherhood confessions

Confessions from a new mom:

- I consider it an accomplishment if I manage to shower every other day.
- My hands are often chapped from frequent hand washing to avoid germs.
- I ate dinner tonight in bed with my plate balanced on my left leg and a crying Natalie lying in my right arm.
- I secretly rejoice when Natalie has a poopy diaper when Matt has diaper duty (because it means I missed a dirty one)!
- My first thought every morning when I wake up is, "is she still breathing?" If I wake to her sounds or crying, I immediately feel relieved.
- I'd be embarrassed if anyone I knew saw the inside of our house in its current condition (except my parents -- they've already seen it).
- Our inside Christmas decorations are still up, including the Christmas tree and a few opened gifts underneath.
- Flowers I received the day after Natalie was born are still in the vase on the kitchen counter, exactly where they were placed when we came home from the hospital (and they're now rotting).
- I ask myself nearly every day, "Am I a good mother?"
- When we packed our big suitcase for our February trip to Tennessee, we had to get the suitcase out of the floor (with clothing still in it) from our December trip to Tennessee.
- I love how more polite people seem to be when you are pushing a stroller around. They'll stop so you can cross the street, hold a door open for you, etc.
- When we're out in public and my hair is dirty and crazy and I'm without makeup, I wonder if strangers ask themselves, "how did such a pretty baby come from that woman?"
- I'm thankful God didn't give me twins!

These are a few of my confessions as a new mom with my sleepy baby napping against me. I'm afraid to move from this position in fear of waking her.

Motherhood is far different than I imagined, but I know I will have earned the title of "mom" the first time I hear Natalie say, "I love you, mommy." In the mean time, I'll enjoy continuing to grow into these huge motherhood shoes as I learn to be the best mom I know how to be.

There are things I've accomplished in my lifetime that I'm proud of, but nothing has ever made me so proud as watching Natalie develop. Her favorite thing to do right now is to attempt raising into a sitting position on her own. She gets so frustrated when she can't. I'll never forget how proud she looked when she stood up (with assistance) from a seated position for the first time. That big grin worked its way right into my soul, and I was unbelievably proud of my baby girl who is already trying to be a big girl.

These past few months have had some big ups and downs, but with every smile from that sweet face, I fall deeper and deeper in love. Life will never be the same as it once was before Natalie joined us, but I like this life better. She's a keeper.

for the love of peanut butter

Looking for an easy (but tasty!) dessert to throw together for after dinner or a small party? Here's one you'll love if you're a peanut butter fan like me -- Peanut butter pie!

I recently whipped up a peanut butter pie using a recipe my mom gave me. It's so easy that even those of you who hate working in the kitchen can handle this. Plus, I'm including lots of pictures because blogs are always more fun with photos!

Here's all the ingredients you need, and chances are, you have all of these on hand if you're like me. I try to always keep a pack of cream cheese in the fridge, and I usually keep at least one cool whip (or "whipped topping" as the Wal-Mart brand is called) frozen in the freezer since it's used in a few of my favorite desserts.

First, you'll need to soften the cream cheese. I'm usually doing everything at the last minute, so I always put the cream cheese in a microwave safe bowl (the one I'll use to make the pie mix) and pop it into the microwave long enough to soften it.

Add in the sugar. Mine was lumpy because when we bought the bag of sugar, it was as hard as a brick. I have to bang it first with something sharp to break it up. Hey, this pie relieves stress since you get to beat up the sugar! Added bonus if your sugar is hard like mine.

Now you're ready to mix the cream cheese and sugar. My mixer recently tore up in the middle of using it. Some part broke inside of it, and I could hear it rattling around. Fortunately, I had a back-up mixer to keep me going. You will probably want to use a deeper bowl than what I used because the cream cheese splatters a lot.

Time for the best ingredient (other than the cream cheese) ... peanut butter! The recipe calls for 1 cup, but I never measure it. It's too much trouble to scoop it out of the measuring cup. I usually like mine a little heavier on the peanut butter. It makes the pie a little thicker and denser, and of course, adds more peanut buttery goodness. I added more PB after I took this picture.

Mix mix mix again! Also, a word about the choice of peanut butter. It's expensive, so don't waste the good stuff (Jif) on mixing it into a pie. Save that for the good ol' PBJs for the kids.

I had a big container of cool whip, but you really just need the standard size. My pie crust was a 10-serving one, so it was bigger than the standard 8-serving size. So I added in more cool whip than necessary to stretch the mixture out a little further. On a side note, even though it's officially "whipped topping," we always refer to it by its brand name in my family. Kind of like how we'll ask for a kleenex instead of a tissue, or vasoline instead of petroleum jelly.

Mix again until it's all nice and smooth. Yum!

 Dump it into your pie crust. Use a spatula so you don't waste any.

Smooth it all out. Don't worry -- it doesn't have to look pretty. A layer of cool whip will go on top! It's ok if the mixture doesn't reach the top of the pie crust edges. You need room for the cool whip.

It's ready, so pile the rest on top and smooth it out.

Done! Oh wait, one last step. Lick the remaining pie mixture off of the beaters! This IS a requirement when making desserts that my mom taught me at an early age. (One of the best things I learned from her!) Yes, you'll want to be sure and thoroughly wash your beaters afterward. And for you non-beater licking people (I'm looking at you, Matt), these are safe to lick since there weren't any raw eggs in the mix.

... Not that raw eggs have stopped me before. 

Anyway, here's the actual recipe:

1 Graham cracker pie crust shell

1 8-oz. pkg. cream cheese (softened)

¾ cup sugar

1 cup peanut butter

1 regular size Cool Whip

With a mixer, mix cream cheese and sugar.  Add peanut butter and mix.  Add half the Cool Whip and mix.  Put mixture in pie shell and top with remainder of Cool Whip.  Refrigerate.

Now get off of the internet and make this pie!

a lousy bucket list

I'll be honest with you. I never liked reading as an adolescent. I didn't have the slightest interest in reading and only did so when required to for school. During the second semester of my freshman English class, I was exposed to free verse poetry -- basically, poetry without rhyme and meter. Poetry that wasn't written by Emily Dickinson or Robert Frost ... who knew that existed?

Sometimes I still consider reading a chore, but some how, I fell in love with poetry. I think mostly due to the fact that it tends to be short. (And that's the reason I stay away from epic poetry, which is a lengthy narrative style poem.) I came to the realization that reading and analyzing poetry was actually fun and engaging, which ultimately led to my major in creative writing. I had always been interested in writing, just not reading. The two tend to go hand and hand, so I'll never wrap my brain around why I liked one so much but not the other.

So anyway, I went on to develop my skills as a poet. My favorite college classes were those that involved a lot of writing, and particularly my poetry classes. We were repeatedly told to write every day. Every single day. This was the best way to improve as a poet and writer. I was all about writing poetry during my college years until I had to neglect it during a demanding graduate program I was in for teacher education.

During college, I decided I wanted to publish a book of poems some time before I die. I guess you could say this started my "bucket list" -- a list that is pretty short (it's the only thing on my list, other than to have a family, which I've already obtained). I guess I'm not that ambitious? I'd rather just consider myself content with the simplicity of everyday life.

This year will mark six years since I wanted to make my mark on the world as a poet. I can't tell you the last time I wrote a poem. I received two poetry books for Christmas, and they were written by two of the contemporary poets who first drew my interest to poetry and remain two of my favorites today. I guess these books have brought back the memories of my poetry writing days and the goal I had (still have?) of publishing a poetry book some day.

I think my poetry well is definitely dried up, but I can't help but wonder if I could revive it. Does it really matter though? I think the poem below puts things into perspective. It's called "Invitation" and is in one of the books I received entitled Red Bird by poet Mary Oliver.

Oh do you have time
to linger
for just a little while
out of your busy

and very important day
for the goldfinches
that have gathered
in a field of thistles

for a musical battle,
to see who can sing
the highest note,
or the lowest,

or the most expressive of mirth,
or the most tender?
Their strong, blunt beaks
drink the air

as they strive
melodiously
not for your sake
and not for mine

and not for the sake of winning
but for sheer delight and gratitude --
believe us, they say,
it is a serious thing

just to be alive
on this fresh morning
in this broken world.
I beg of you,

do not walk by
without pausing
to attend to this
rather ridiculous performance.

It could mean something.
It could mean everything.
It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote:
You must change your life.

-------

Maybe I need to throw my little bucket list out the window and start a new one that includes things like what the poem describes. After all, what better things are there to experience than to soak in the mysterious beauty God created for us?

One final note -- my husband asked what I was blogging about, and I told him, "poetry". He asked if I posted the poem I wrote about a dead possum. Yes, in college, I even wrote a poem about a dead possum.

Even a mom sometimes needs her mom

I am going to keep this short because my little one is sleeping, and those peaceful sleeps have been a rarity in our home for a couple of weeks now.

I wanted to give a shout out to an unsung hero in my life. My mom.

The older (and more stubborn) I have gotten, the more my mom and I have clashed here and there. Mostly due to differences in personality where we don't always see eye to eye. But despite that, she has and always will be one of my closest friends. When my heart and mind are troubled, I revert back to that innate nature where I just need my mom to make things seem better.

Maybe that makes me childish, irresponsible, or too dependent -- I don't know. And I really don't care. But the truth is, a mother can simply make situations seem better with just her presence. I think this is one of those special traits that God gave mothers to possess during their child's time of need.

Long story short, I got really down earlier this week. I was handling it ok until one day when Matt had returned to work, and I was overcome with my emotions and felt alone. My parents could tell how down I was, and packed up immediately to make the four-hour trip to our home to help out. (It turned into a five hour trip due to icy roads on the mountain.)

Having my parents here to help Matt and me allowed me to keep my wits about me and get a second wind. I'll go ahead and point out that my dad has gone above and beyond the call of duty as well, but my mom has a special way that just comes natural to her of knowing how to keep me calm.

Mom stayed with us for two weeks after Natalie was born (Dad stayed for some of that time as well). It made it much easier on me in particular since I was recovering from surgery and still had a difficult time physically for the first few days after I came home from the hospital.

Well, I said I'd keep this short, but my hands keep typing. So I'll get to the point ...

Even when you become a parent yourself, you still sometimes need a helping hand, word of encouragement, or just a hug from your mom. My mom always puts my needs before her own, and now, Natalie's needs as well. It's just what mothers do, and I'm thankful to have her as an example for the kind of mother I hope to be for Natalie.

Thanks, mom. I don't always find it easy to verbally express the words in my heart, but I can write them. I hope you know how much your love and help are appreciated. I am glad another generation gets to experience all the love you (and dad) have to offer.